If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
