He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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