R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
