I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
