just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
