He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
