I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
