I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
