i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
