a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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