I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
