I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
