The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
