i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
