Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
