You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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