using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
