My room smells like vodka and shame
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize