And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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