So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Randomize
