Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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