I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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