I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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