I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
