I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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