I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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