My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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