Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."

(815): View more from Illinois

oh god.

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(630): View more from Illinois

it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

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(917): View more from New York City

Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator

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(908): View more from New Jersey

and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.

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(425): View more from Washington

Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name

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(727): View more from Florida

The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.

(303): View more from Colorado

I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.

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