did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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