I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
