How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
