I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Couch. On fire.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
