anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize