So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
