At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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