So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
