She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
