if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Your face is a jimmy john
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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