I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
