Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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