so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
