"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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