sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
