Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
