I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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