We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
