It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sober January is a disaster.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
