ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize