Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
