The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
