He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize