And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
