So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
