Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
