She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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