you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
