Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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