There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
