2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
