You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
