I'm jealous of your bromance
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
