so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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