Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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