She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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