Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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