I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
