Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
