# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize