chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
