Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
