so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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