so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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