Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
