the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
