Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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