also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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