Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
