You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
