id be glad to
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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