just come out here and I will go home with you...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
