Got a toothbrush?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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