It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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