my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize