We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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