So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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