he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
