Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
