and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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