Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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