Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
