Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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