Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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