y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
